Relaxation in dressage is not switching off. It is learning how to stay calm, supported and available while you ride.
I have never loved the word relax when it comes to riding.
I understand what people mean by it.
Usually, they are trying to help a rider stop gripping, bracing or holding too much tension.
But taken literally, “relax” can create the wrong picture.
We are not lying on the sofa.
We are sitting on a large, powerful animal with a natural flight response. We need to remain aware, balanced and responsive.
And when some riders are told to relax, they do exactly that.
They collapse.
Their posture disappears.
Their core switches off.
Their body becomes heavy rather than soft.
That is not the feeling we are trying to create.
The goal is not complete relaxation.
The goal is calm organisation.
Enough strength to remain supported.
Enough suppleness to move with the horse.
Enough awareness to respond.
And enough softness that the body does not block the conversation.
This is why I prefer to think of good riding as a form of fluid, elastic strength.
Your muscles are working, but they are not gripping.
Your body is organised, but it is not rigid.
You are calm, but not switched off.
Why “Just Relax” Does Not Always Work
Tension in the saddle is not always a conscious choice.
You may know that you are gripping your thighs or lifting your shoulders, but that does not necessarily mean you can simply stop.
The body often creates tension because it is trying to give you security.
If your core does not feel able to support you, your thighs may grip.
If your hips do not feel stable, your pelvis may brace.
If you are nervous, your breathing may become shallow.
If the horse’s movement feels bigger than your body can manage, your lower back may tighten.
These reactions are not signs that you are failing.
They are signs that your body is searching for support.
That is why “relax” can be too vague.
Your body may need a more specific instruction.
Instead of asking the whole body to switch off, it is often more useful to decide:
What needs to work?
And:
What can soften around it?
This is the balance we are trying to create.
Relaxation Is Supported Softness
A rider cannot be soft without support.
If you remove all muscular activity, you do not create an independent seat.
You create collapse.
A soft rider still needs strength through the trunk, balance over both seat bones and enough control to respond to the horse.
The difference is that this strength is not hard or fixed.
It allows movement.
It allows breath.
It allows the hips, shoulders, elbows, knees and ankles to respond.
This is an important distinction.
Softness is not the absence of effort.
It is the absence of unnecessary effort.
When your body is supported well, the muscles that do not need to hold on can begin to let go.
This is one reason strong riders often feel softer.
Their bodies have more options.
They do not need to create security through gripping and bracing.
Better Cues Than “Relax”
The word relax may still be useful, but it often works better when paired with a more precise cue.
Here are some of the words and ideas I prefer to use.
1. Release
Rather than trying to relax your whole body, scan for one area that is holding more tension than it needs.
Your jaw.
Your toes.
Your thighs.
Your hips.
Your shoulders.
Your hands.
Your lower back.
Then ask that area to release.
This does not mean letting the whole body collapse.
You might engage your trunk enough to support the pelvis, then allow the hips to release and follow the horse.
You might keep your posture tall, then allow the shoulders to settle away from your ears.
You might maintain a steady rein connection, then release the unnecessary tension in your fingers and wrists.
The support remains.
The excess tension softens around it.
This is much clearer than asking everything to relax at once.
When you first get on, use the walk as a time to notice where your body is holding.
You may be surprised by the small places that tighten without you realising.
The toes often curl.
The jaw clenches.
One thigh grips more than the other.
One shoulder lifts.
Awareness comes before change.
2. Support
When riders hear the word engage, they sometimes respond by tightening as hard as possible.
But engagement is not maximum tension.
It is appropriate support.
Your trunk needs enough strength to organise the relationship between your ribcage, spine and pelvis.
Your body should feel held up, not held rigidly in place.
Imagine that your core is supporting your posture from the inside.
Not sucking everything in.
Not bracing against the horse.
Simply giving your body enough structure that the areas around it can remain available.
This support helps you stay balanced over both seat bones.
It also reduces the need to hang on with your thighs, knees or hands.
A useful question is:
Can I support myself here without hardening?
3. Soften
Softening is different from collapsing.
You can keep the shape of your body while changing the quality of tension inside it.
Soften the elbows without losing the contact.
Soften the thighs without allowing the legs to become disconnected.
Soften the lower back without slumping.
Soften the hips while the trunk remains organised.
This is the quality we are aiming for in dressage.
Not loose.
Not floppy.
Not passive.
Soft and responsive.
4. Feel
Tension often increases when we become too visually focused.
The eyes narrow.
The jaw tightens.
The breath becomes shallow.
The body begins trying to control everything.
Instead, allow your gaze to soften.
You still know where you are going, but you also take in what is around you.
Then bring more attention to what you can feel.
Can you feel the rhythm of the walk?
Can you notice when each hind leg steps forward?
Can you feel how your pelvis responds?
Can you feel whether one seat bone is heavier?
Can you notice when your thighs begin to grip?
The more clearly you can feel the movement, the less you need to manufacture it.
This is particularly useful when working on sitting trot.
The horse creates the movement.
Your body learns to receive and follow it.
5. Breathe
Breathing is one of the simplest ways to notice tension.
When you become anxious or try too hard, you may hold your breath or breathe high into the chest.
The shoulders lift.
The ribs become rigid.
The trunk loses some of its ability to respond.
Rather than forcing a dramatic breath, try a slow, steady exhale.
Allow the ribs to soften.
Let the jaw release.
Feel whether your seat settles more naturally into the saddle.
Then allow the next breath to arrive.
You do not need to push the stomach outward or perform a perfect breathing technique while riding.
The aim is simply to keep breathing rather than bracing.
Often, the horse responds to this change too.
As your body becomes calmer and less rigid, the conversation between the two of you can become quieter.
6. Allow
This is one of my favourite cues.
Allow the hips to follow.
Allow the elbows to respond.
Allow the legs to drape.
Allow the movement to come through you.
“Allow” helps remove the feeling that you must manufacture or control every part of the horse’s movement.
It also reminds you that softness cannot always be forced.
Sometimes the body needs enough support, confidence and repetition before it is able to allow more.
This is why off-horse work matters.
When you improve your suppleness, strength and control away from the horse, your body has more capacity to allow movement when you ride.
7. Widen
When you feel tense, try widening your awareness.
Widen your eyes.
Widen your breath across your ribs.
Widen your collarbones.
Widen the back of your pelvis.
This can create a very different feeling from trying to pull yourself into a narrow, perfect position.
Tension often makes the body small.
The shoulders round inward.
The hips grip.
The breathing becomes restricted.
A sense of width can help the body feel more grounded and available.
8. Lengthen
Rather than “sit up,” think about lengthening through the spine.
Feel both seat bones supported beneath you.
Then imagine the crown of your head growing upward.
The pelvis remains grounded while the spine becomes long.
This is different from pulling the shoulders back or lifting the chest.
Those cues can create more tension through the back.
Length gives you space.
It helps organise the body without forcing it into a rigid shape.
What A Deep Seat Really Means
The phrase “deepen your seat” can also be misunderstood.
It does not mean pushing your weight downward or driving your pelvis into the saddle.
A deep seat develops when the thighs can drape, the hips can remain available and the pelvis can settle without gripping.
Gravity helps keep you connected.
Your body does not need to push down.
I like the image of a tree.
Your pelvis and seat bones are the roots.
They feel grounded and connected.
Your spine is the trunk.
It grows upward from that stable base.
The roots do not drag the tree downward.
They give it the support to grow tall.
That is the feeling we want.
Grounded below.
Lengthened above.
Soft and responsive between the two.
Start In The Walk
The walk is the perfect place to practise this.
Before asking for more difficult work, notice your own body.
Feel both seat bones.
Take a slow breath.
Release your jaw.
Soften your toes.
Allow your thighs to drape.
Notice the movement of the horse’s back.
Feel how each side of your pelvis responds.
Then create enough support through your trunk to remain balanced without interfering with that movement.
You are not trying to perfect your position in one lap of the arena.
You are teaching your body a new way of organising itself.
That takes repetition.
And it is something you will continue developing throughout your riding life.
When Tension Returns
It will return.
That is normal.
You may become tense when the horse spooks, when the movement gets bigger, when you are learning something new or when you are simply tired.
The goal is not to eliminate every moment of tension.
The goal is to notice it sooner and have a way back.
Return to the breath.
Find both seat bones.
Reconnect with the rhythm.
Release one area.
Create support somewhere else.
Then continue.
This is a much more compassionate and useful approach than criticising yourself for not being relaxed enough.
Redefining Relaxation
Perhaps relaxation is not the wrong word.
Perhaps it simply needs a better definition.
In dressage, relaxation is not switching off.
It is being calm enough to feel.
Strong enough to remain supported.
Supple enough to follow.
Aware enough to respond.
And soft enough not to block the horse.
It is fluid, elastic strength.
It is support without hardness.
Stillness without rigidity.
Softness without collapse.
That is the kind of relaxation we are working toward.
Not a body that does nothing.
A body that is organised enough to let go of what it no longer needs.